If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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