and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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