I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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