i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.