Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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