ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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