I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
