he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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