White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
