The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
