why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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