I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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