You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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