Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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