I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
