for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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