It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
