who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
