even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
