we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
