eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
