i wish starbucks made bloody marys
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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