I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This baby is an asshole
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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