But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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