im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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