The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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