Moan for me like Helen Keller
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we made out on top of his cat.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
