I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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