Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
