I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
