watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
