good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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