He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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