I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
