i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
