I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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