maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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