Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
