That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I currently don't understand fingers.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
