I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
