Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she told me i tasted like america
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
