Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
