when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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