When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Someone signed my nipple.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
