I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
