Swine flu is the new snow day.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
