This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
