After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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