don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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