I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
