No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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