maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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