that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
