Say something about gay babies.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
