he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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