I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
