I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
