just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
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