I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Life is so much better after having sex.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize