Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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