Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
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i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
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I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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