You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
