Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize