I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
