I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
