You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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