I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
