U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
