i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
