2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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