walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
