Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
