This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
