well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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