He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
