I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
