I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
