even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
