bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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