New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
