So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
