What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
